#throwbackThursday Lapdragon Duchess

It's been nearly 2 years since the Puppet Master passed away.  Shortly before her passing, just after we moved in with B, our current roommate, for the first time, Chicklet called and said she thought she had a dog that would be a perfect fit for me, if I was interested.

Duchess 2012

She went on to explain that she was a Pug, as well as a rescue, and that the lady who had originally rescued her was sick and not doing well. She had many dogs, and they had simply become too much for her to handle. The Pug was one of many that she was looking to re-home, but it was her that my niece thought was meant for me.

To be honest, when I first mentioned it to Draco, he said no.  He said he didn't want a Pug.  I had personally never seen her, so I had no overwhelming reactions either way, but I did come home and start researching them online to find out what kind of needs and issues they were prone to have.  I made plans to "go look at her" the next day with no real hope of bringing her home.

Research showed that Pugs are actually bred down from Bull Mastiffs.  They are prone to breathing issues because of their squashed faces and don't deal with extreme temperatures at all.

Honestly, they were adorable, but seemed like a high maintenance breed.

Duchess late 2012

On the way over there, I honestly didn't think we'd come home with a dog that day, so when we got there, I sent Draco to look at her because I didn't want to want her and Draco say no.

When he came back carrying a small brown bundle and said, "I got my dog...where's your dog?"  I have to admit, I was a little surprised.

The dog we brought home that day and the one currently posted in my lap, don't seem like the same dogs now.  When we got her, she was very skittish and shy.  Quiet and unsure of herself and her place in our lives. She didn't play and rarely made a sound.

The Duchess you would meet if you saw us today is rambunctious, noisy and loves to play.  She "talks" when she wants something and even manages to make some sounds that suspiciously sound like "Mama" and "I love you".  You will most often find her in my lap or at my heels as I move through the house.

She loves to ride in the car with us, is good on long trips, and loves to give kisses.  When she gets excited, she wags her tail so hard that her whole back-end looks like it's gonna come off.

She never meets a stranger and loves attention from anyone she can convince to give it to her.

Duchess 2013

She is my faithful and constant companion and neither of us can bear to be separated for long.  She's my Duchy, my love and my best friend and I can't imagine life without her although I know that one day she will make her journey across the Rainbow Bridge to wait for me.

In so many ways, she is like a child to me.  I was suffering when I got her.  Witchlet had left home and in a sense, I had left home again myself after two years of caring for my parents (or trying to anyway).  My mother was dying and I knew it and Draco had just taken his old job back working out of town.  She was my comfort in those long, lonely nights and in the weeks after Puppet Master died, it was her I held when I was wracked with grief that I couldn't express.  It was into her ear that I whispered my pain and fears.

When I finally was able to let go and grieve, we were home alone and it was her that laid in the kitchen floor next to me as I cried out 6 months of pain and grief.  It was her that licked the tears from my face and laid her head across my neck for hours, refusing to leave my side for anything.

Yes, Duchess is my heart and I love her dearly.  She came to me at a time when I sorely needed a companion that could always be there and she has been that and much, much more.

As I type this, she is in her usual place, laying across my thigh snoring, content with her world, and because of her, I am content with mine.

Blessings,

School, Ordination and the pursuit of domestic bliss

So I found a place online called Universal Life Church.  They are non-denominational and they offer immediate online ordination.  I decided to go ahead and get ordained through them.

I also started taking classes at a different school, called The Magical Circle School, that offers a degree program.

I am undecided about what I'm going to do about my witch-school classes.  I'm still enrolled there as a basic free student, but I really like this other school.  I'm not sure what I want to do.  I don't know if I can pull off both schools at the same time or not.  I've been trying to decide.

I do know that whatever classes I take, where ever I take them, I think I'm going to be talking them some here on my blog.  MCS offers a student blog, and there will be things I'm required to journal there, but to me, that journal feels more like the notebooks I had to keep for specific classes in school where you turned in the entire notebook for a grade and that makes me feel a little more formal with it than I am here.  I think having an outlet to talk about what I'm learning will be a good thing, that will ultimately help me to grow even more in my studies.

Also, there has been major changes on the domestic front.  We seem to have inherited a dog that was left her by our roommate's boyfriend when he moved out the last time.  Her name is Spirit and she is a Catahoola Leopard Dog.  She is around a year old, but has never been trained, so we've really been working with her hard to establish ourselves as pack leaders and get her to follow basic commands.

I have to admit, she's been more of a challenge to train that what I'm used to.  She is responding to "sit" and "lay down" but that's about it for now.  The good news is, her time outside seems to have her mostly housebroken on her own and she is a very loving girl.  Her favorite thing to do is to curl up with you for snuggles and love.

Jayco 1006 Pop-up Camper Trailer (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We have also decided, due to a combination of reasons, to move closer to Tiger and Bear after taxes.  We had been thinking of trying to rent a place close to them, but today Draco mentioned something I hadn't thought about since last summer.

His boss is talking about selling  his camper again.  I'm thinking how perfect that would be!  There are a number of camp sites close to Tiger's house.  There would be no big deposits to worry about, most of the camp grounds are pet-friendly and come with all the utilities included and even though my home would be highly mobile...it would still be my home and I could fix it up however I wanted!  I'm so excited about this idea again that I could bust!

I mean seriously, Draco and I can't have 2-legged kids anymore.  Witchlet was our one and only and she's 20 and pregnant with my first grandchild now and out on her own.  What do we need a huge place to have to clean for?  All the furniture usually comes with them (and is bolted to the floor lol).  All we'd have to really worry about a lot is where to put our altar and getting like maybe a TV and microwave for it.  Beyond that...they have heat and A/C in them already and we don't have a lot of stuff, so I think it'd be perfect!  Besides, we'd be on the lake pretty much all the time, which Draco and I would both love for our own reasons!

Can you say year-round vacation??

OK, that's it for me today.  I've got so much on my mind now that I don't know what to do with it all!

Blessings!
Fae Moon

Sharing Grief

Last night was rough. I spent the end of my evening helping my sister-cousin, Tiger, try to wade through the over-whelming grief and anger that comes with loosing a fur-child.

Although little Noel's life was peppered with health issues that the vet could not identify, we all believed that she was trying to get better. She had not been feeling well the last few days, but that was not uncommon. Her health tended to see-saw so much that we had all come to accept it as part of her life. Not knowing what was wrong with her gave us all a false sense of hope that, one day, she might recover and live a normal life.

Even with her health issues, her passing last night seemed so sudden and unexpected to us all, but especially to Tiger.

Tiger was wracked with the grief and guilt that only a fur-mom can know and I know from my own experiences with loosing fur-kids, that there really isn't anything anyone can say or do to lessen the hold grief wraps around your heart like a vice.  All I could do was try to hold my own grief in check and be a comforting voice on the other end of a too far away phone call.

My heart ached as I listened to one of the most important people in my life try to give voice to the pain that consumed her. My Tiger, so strong, yet with the unbridled heart of a child when it comes to what she loves and values.

As an empath, feeling the emotions of others is something I struggle to avoid most days, but with Tiger, as with Draco and Witchlet, those boundaries do not exist. I have no walls to separate me from them because I refuse to allow them.

Being 2 hours away on a work night, I could not offer her the small comfort my presence may have given her. I could not reach her to hold her with my arms, so I held her the only way I could -- with my heart.

As I let her grief and pain wash over my soul, I knew I was giving her a gift only I could offer her, sharing her grief. Her pain became my pain, her heart to my heart. A bond I share with precious few. I could almost feel our souls connect over the miles that separated us.

I know that this small act on my part did not, and cannot, lessen her pain. Nothing can.

They say that time heals all wounds, but that is not true. I still ache to hold my lost fur-children. My heart is still littered with raw spots that their passings have left, like tiny paw-prints on my heart. I know that the loss of Noel will leave those tiny paw-prints on Tiger's heart as well.

While my gift last night cannot take away her pain, I hope that it at least made the darkness she wandered in a little less lonely, a little less frightening because I know the darkness that grief can cast on your soul. I know the devastation of loss.

Sometimes, there are no words we can offer to those in pain. People often try to fill the silence with empty words and platitudes. Their intentions are good, but sometimes the only thing we truly have to offer another in their moments of grief is our heart and someone to share the pain.

While Tiger made the trip to lay her fur-child to rest, I laid my head in Draco's lap and tried to release my own grief. I had gotten attached to Noel over the many weekends we've spent at their house and looked on her and her fur-sister, Raven, as my nieces. They are Tiger's children in her heart and could be no less in mine.

As I once again light candles this morning, I am grateful that our little Noel no longer feels the pain her body suffered and I hope the light from her candle will lead her safely on to The Rainbow Bridge where she will wait with Tiger's other lost fur-children until they are reunited once more.

I will also light candles for Tiger for the strength she will need in the coming days as she struggles to deal with her loss, for strength for Bear as he tries to offer what comfort he can to the woman he loves as he deals with his own loss. For Aunt Hippy and Uncle Boomhower, who rushed to her side to offer what comfort they could and for myself and Draco while we try to help in whatever ways we can.

My candles are but small dots of light in the darkness Noel's passing has left, but they are lights just the same and I believe with all my heart that Noel can see those lights and knows that we are grieving and that in our grief, she was loved.

Rest easy now, Miss Noel, your family loves you.

With love,

Auntie